I am small.

Bryce Canyon- UTAH
I am small- 5 foot and a little, that is all. Hiking into the heart of Bryce Canyon via Peekaboo Loop, I was dwarfed by the hoodoo formations of chiefs and queens painted rich clay red, I found myself constantly saying, “I am small.” Compared to my immediate surroundings of treasures, sculpted by harsh weather conditions over BILLIONS of years, “Yep- I am small.” Compare the latter to my immediate hopes and fears, “ Duh- I am small.”
I have seen the world only from my eyes, only felt with my own heart and only thought with my own head. What it boils down to, is that my default world is literally self centered. I am guilty of creating my own world where having to always clean up after my roommate and his dog or gaining 3lbs since last week results in a callous me. Little little little things that I label and put them on the ‘big deal’ shelf in my head when they don’t deserve another second of my thoughts. So today, I am most thankful for the unexpected reminders to re-evaluate what I put on that shelf. Happy Thanksgiving Yall.

Little joy

I always prefer that toilet lids be in the down position. Surprisingly enough, it has nothing to do with my obsession with cleanliness. It is only because of the little joy that a glimpse of a toilet (with the seat down) gives me. Constantly being, looking so human and ridiculously wise. Every time, I quickly pull back the shower curtain and stand face to face with my toilet as I dry off, it never fails that I secretly wish that my toilet would open it’s two brown eyes, take a deep yoga breath and say in an old Italian man’s accent words of daily wisdom…“Carpe diem”…”Let it be.” 

I CAN do 26.2.

On February 20th of 2011, my short legs will run 26.2 miles. My training for the Austin Marathon started about three weeks ago. My marathon coach is my ultra running sister Kasey who has run multiple marathons and is training for a 50 miler at the moment. I have been running just for fun for about 5 years now; however, my marathon training started 3 weeks ago. And in these first three weeks, I have been riding an inconsistent wave of mental mind games. I have said “I don’t think I can do 26.2,” so many times (AND it rhymes which makes it extra hard to forget and ridiculously annoying). I have stopped on a three mile jog, my legs have felt heavy and anger and discouragement seemed to add an extra ten pounds to my already lumpy body. I have wanted to quit and throw my shoes to Timbuktu and never run again because my shins started to burn and the memory of past injuries that kept me from running annoyed me to graceless tears as I thought once again “I don’t think I can do 26.2.” I AM my own enemy.

But then I have those days, when my legs feel long and I find a rhythm so in sync to the beat of my flying soul and the stride of my living breath. Unstoppable- not even my thoughts can touch me. I run 7 miles, my longest run to date, and I beam proud. Each runner that passes me, I feel compelled to smile and bow my head in reverence to the common bond of the choice to just run. I can do 26.2. I AM my biggest alley.

I AM. As simple as those powerful words are to say, they are just as easy to simply forget. As I have lived and learned, I understand that an uphill fight is always followed by an overlook and then a downhill road, a never ending cycle of learning experiences. Duh right? My goal for this marathon is to find my I AM in those moments where I seem to be losing the fight. I hope to find I AM strong, I AM peace, I AM graceful, I AM a runner!